Divorce and the Over 50s
Don’t get me wrong I am not an advocate for divorce at any age. Nor am I an advocate of living a miserable life. When you know there’s nothing but misery left in your relationship and you’ve done all you possibly can to try improve the problems to no avail, why prolong the misery? To divorce is a huge decision, life as you know it will change for sure. There are those that have gone through divorce several times and for others it’s so devastating that some never really get past it.
The life you want over 50
As we get older we need to be more aware of how things are really going in our own lives. Are we happy? Because, there comes a time when we realize if there are things we want to
change we had better get on with it. As we age we see friends and family members having to deal with challenges they never expected. Some get sick and less mobile often forcing them to change their later life plans.
Discovering what’s important to you
Today more than ever people are getting divorced after the age of 50. They realise that they want more from life than they are getting, and it’s not materialistic things that they are looking for, it’s more than that. By the time you reach your 50s many have had most of the things people strive for. They realise that it’s not the material things that make you happy. Some have been in unhappy marriages for many years. Some wait until the kids have left home before they decide to do anything about it. For others it’s after they retire from their careers and suddenly find that they would be spending most of their time with this other person that they don’t even really know anymore and they decide they want out.
Relationships Take Work
I think we all want the happy ever after life and when we don’t get it we feel can feel cheated and disillusioned. Statistics say that it usually only takes about 15 months before most couples fall out of that initial first love. With that in mind you can see why relationships take work, like anything else to thrive they need a lot of nurturing.
Our relationships affect everything.
If we are happy we will be healthier and more productive and those around us will be happier too. If we are unhappy and miserable we will be stressed and anxious and less productive and others will feel the effects. The way we function in our personal and professional lives, our moods, confidence and self esteem are all affected by the state of our relationships. And yet it is one of those skills we learn on the job just like parenting. Plus, we often take what we have experienced in our own family environment into our relationships.
True love can last a lifetime.
However for around 90 % of couples they do not feel the same about their partner or their relationship after 20 years of marriage. It is particularly sad to see marriages of 20 or 30 years come to an end. That is a lot of history to have with one person, especially if you have children together. You’ll have experienced events with that person that you will never experience with anyone else. However, if the relationship is dead and there is nothing else to be done to revive it, then maybe it’s time to move on.
Friends First – Friends Always
In a relationship you need to be friends first and foremost because that’s what really counts in the end. And it’s important that you have some interests in common. There needs to be things that you can share and work at together. Separateness creates indifference and that usually means trouble.
Really, how well did you know your spouse when you first married? If we were in short term relationships before we married or moved in together the chances are we really didn’t know each other very well at all.
Divorce isn’t easy
Divorce isn’t easy but neither is staying in a relationship that’s not working. Where else would we spend our lives doing something or living in a way that we know is wrong for us?
If you are divorced the one thing that seems to be common is the more time you spend alone the more you will know what you do and don’t want. It becomes tougher to compromise.
Losing sight of what’s important
Before you make the decision to pursue divorce ask yourself, why did you get involved with this person in the first place? What was it about them that attracted you to them, it is still there somewhere? Is there any possibility that there could be more there and you have just lost sight of what’s important. This is a really important question to answer!
Be respectful-don’t regret your actions
If divorce is inevitable then try your utmost to do it with grace. So many people get so angry that they get into horrible situations. They lose sight of what they want and it becomes a competitive and hateful battle. The only ones that win in those situations are the lawyers. Be as respectful as possible and before battling it out in court see if you can come to some fair settlement, and use a mediator if needed. It is so sad to see couples doing everything they can to cheat and hurt the person that they once loved enough that they once chose to spend their life with.
Marriage can be wonderful when you are married to the right person!